Baby Story: How we found out!

Back Story: (to get straight to the baby part proceed to the 3rd paragraph)


Anyone that knows me at all probably knows that we were having some trouble getting pregnant. We didn't wait to start trying after we got married (we knew we wanted kids and we knew it wouldn't be easy for us). We tried for a year and then sought some help. I had/have (no cure) endometriosis and polycystic ovaries and a severe case of both.  I had surgery and it turned out that some of the cysts had grown on my tubes and they were blocked.  Luckily my wonderful doctor was able to repair all the damage and was hopeful that we would be pregnant soon. Long story short...we obviously didn't get pregnant.  I did feel good for awhile though. Even lost a little weight and started having regular cycles.  This unfortunately, didn't last long.  I finally listened to my bff and went to who we lovingly refer to as our Witch Doctor. Email me or comment if you would like to know more, I am happy to share and will probably post more about it late. I do credit nutritional response therapy (NRT) for my being able to finally conceive (that and the fact that I believe it happen exactly when it was supposed to as part of God's plan for us, more on that too).


Anyway...I tell you all of this to say that we still didn't get pregnant right away but we expect as much. This healing approach (unlike surgery) isn't a quick fix. It takes time to heal our bodies naturally. I did again, feel better and have regular cycles again. At any rate, by this time summer was nearing and bringing with it our move to Texas. For the first time in 2 years I was too busy and loving life too much to be thinking about why I still wasn't pregnant. We packed up, vacationed, road tripped and had a blast!


Not long after we arrived in Texas we adopted a puppy (thinking...it's just not our time to have a baby). That same week I realized I was late and this made me sad. I didn't think that I was pregnant rather I thought that because I hadn't been following my treatment plan and was relapsing back to having irregular cycles.  On Saturday, July 30th, I took a pregnancy test (first time in a while...which is saying something) and there was a faint second line.  The old me would have jumped for joy and ran off to share the news. The me that took that test just could believe it. I decided to dismiss it and go shopping with my Mama! The next morning, Sunday the 31st, I felt like I should really take another test. This one was brightly positive and it didn't even take the recommended 2 minutes.  We were speaking that morning in church and I just couldn't bring myself to spill the beans just yet!


After church everyone wanted to nap and my mind was running full speed on how I wanted to tell Will.  He was almost asleep when I just couldn't take it anymore.  I went to the bedroom (my old room at my parents, we were still living there while we worked on the house) and asked him if we could talk about what I wanted to do to the bedroom that was across the hall from ours (I was constantly droning on about all the plans I had for our home).  He sleepily agreed to hear my plan.  I started describing how I wanted the room to be arranged with a crib and rocking chair...at first he didn't catch on until I said that we should probably get it done by next spring! We hugged, laughed and cried and it was the most amazing moment that we have shared since we became husband and wife!!

I obsess

If you know me then you know that I lack patience and that I can be a bit obsessive.  I am kinda what one may call a, er, um...brat.
What do I want? A baby.
What don't I have...you guessed it.
This is the main reason why I haven't blogged.
Its kinda all I think about.  It doesn't really make for fun reading.
No one likes a complainer.
Anyway...
I just knew that after the surgery I would get pregnant right away.  My Doctor was SO positive that we were going to be "parents to be" in no time. Almost 4 months and nothing but problems.

I have been a little depressed lately.  I don't use this word lightly.  Its not a word I throw around when I have had a bad day.  I have been seriously sad over this "not getting pregnant" thing.  Every month I get a little lower.  I hate being this way. This is so not me. I am a happy person. I am fun and people used to enjoy my company.  Now...well I am pretty sure that Will is only person that enjoys my company or rather tolerates my presence.

Anyway, we also just found out that the OB GYN that I have been seeing for 2 years is not in my network.  We will be paying for a significant portion of the surgery. Yay.
So now I am doctorless and lost.  We were supossed to be starting a new treatment plan this cycle but now I guess I have to start over with a new OB GYN but I am moving in 150 days (oh yeah...the count down has begun)! I just want to stay in my apartment until we move and start this all over then.

Ok there it is. This is what is on my mind.

I am super excited about the move but this other mess is dragging me down.  I do not like it.

THE END

Remember that time...

Remember that time I was so super excited to have my eye surgery and be rid of the glasses and contacts that I have been wearing for more than 20 years (that is basically my ENTIRE life, by the way)???


Remember that time I had my sister (Dear Sweet Amanda...I LOVE YOU) come all the way from Texas on Easter weekend to be with me for the previously mentioned surgery?


Remember that time the secretary at the surgeons office called while we were actually in route to the office to cancel said surgery??


Remember that time I had a melt down over all of this??


Well as it turns out... Will had to have an emergency appendectomy (isn't it always and emergency??) and he was on deployment in Philadelphia.  There is no way that I could have driven 8 hours to get him right after having surgery.  So...Bright side- Amanda and I had a fabulous sister weekend. I made it to Will while he was still very heavily medicated (which made the 8 hour solo drive TOTALLY worth it). Eye surgery is set for this FRIDAY!!!  Wish me luck...and if you could wish for perfectly functioning equipment that would be greatly appreciated!

Lovesick/Good News

Preface: I wrote this post awhile ago...I thought I posted it. Clearly, I did not. *Facepalm*

These last few weeks have been difficult. By difficult, I really mean nearly unbearable.

Will being gone has been so much harder this time.

I can’t put my finger on the reason…

This ain’t my first rodeo, after all.

I always have my transition time;

Where I sulk a bit,

Be anti-social,

Sleep on the couch instead of our bed and

Cry into my Ben & Jerry’s.

Then, I move on. I keep busy and spend time with friends.

I shop a little too much.

This time has been different.

[Will, if you are reading this…I am not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m just expressing.]

I have been so emotional, so unmotivated, so lonely and just plain old grumpy.

I have been thinking about this…why this time is so different.

Here is a breakdown of 2010 thus far:

January- gone

February- home 18 days out of 28

March- gone...well, will be home for 7 days at the end

April- will be gone

See my problem?? I freaking miss my husband. I’m totally lovesick!

I can't wait to see him. Really. Can't. Wait.

Bright side...I just have a few more days left! It may only get him for 7, but you better believe I will make 'em count!

In other good news...I have the best family EVER. No lie. They would do anything for me.

Example: I am scheduled to have eye surgery April 2nd. I was going to cancel cause I am a big baby and didn't want to do it while Will is away. Even though all of my sweet friends AND my boss offered to help me...I still wanted to chicken out. Until I got this text late one night from one of my big sisters...

Amanda: I have thought about it. I want to come when you have your surgery.

Me: Really?

Amanda: Yep. You say the word.

Me: No. It’s Ok. That’s too much trouble.

Me: Well...Are you sure???

Amanda: Yes. I don't want you to put it off. I would really like to help you.

Me: It would make me less nervous. Wow. I feel better about it now. {totally crying and feeling very loved}

We continued to text back and forth and I booked her flight that night! I have no idea what I did to deserve such love. This surgery has been making me very nervous. I want this so bad but I am not sure what to expect. I had this big cloud of uncertainty over my head...until  Amanda offered to be there for me. I am still nervous. Still uncertain. Somehow, how knowing that she will be here helps me to push all that aside. It helps me to be excited. To focus on the fact that in 15 days I won't need the glasses or contacts that I have relied on for 20 years. Now I can focus on what it will be like to wake up on April 3rd and SEE! It may sound silly...but this is a dream come true for me. I have wanted surgery for awhile but I never thought it would happen. Well it is going to happen in 15 days!

Thank you Amanda! I love you and I owe BIG!

Veggie Tales!

Well, as some of you know I am testing the waters of a vegetarian lifestyle. Feelings thus far:

Yummy

Happy

GAG

Excited

Gross

Mostly, I'm loving this. I have had so really great food and I have had things that will NEVER set foot in this apartment again.

What have I been loving:

Fresh EVERYTHING (Berries Mostly)

Greek Yogurt

HONEY

Strawberries on my Salads

Edamame Hummus

Carrot juice

Naan bread

Mushrooms...I knew this but I have a new appreciation for them now

Leeks...more than just an onion

Butternut Squash

Not so much:

Soy Milk...No thank you. I can only drink whole milk. End of discussion.

fresh Tomatoes...I am getting better with them if they are cooked but raw tomatoes make me wanna throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Tofu on its own...like cooking it in a skillet as if it were chicken. I can do it in something like stir fry or soup.

Eggplant. Not sure what to say. I didn't hate it...But I didn't love it.

hmmm...that's it.

Living this way has caused me to branch out and try SO many new things. Using veggies as the focal point instead of typical meats is challenging. Making it satisfying and enjoyable is REALLY challenging. I think for the most part I have been doing pretty darn good. Here is a little breakdown:

Breakfasts:

Greek yogurt w/ Grape Nuts, Honey & Banana

Fresh Berries & banana

Toast w/Nutella

Oatmeal

Cereal & a banana(I get crazy bad leg cramps...like crazy cause my foot will actually draw inward...gross I know. So I have to get lots of potassium everyday)

I always have a Boost right when I first get up. Its a good source of protein and helps me get going!

Snacks:

Kashi Bar

Berries w/ Greek yogurt

Greek yogurt & Honey

Veggies & Ranch

Edamame Hummus & Pita chips

Naan bread w/melted mozzarella

Lunchs:

Veggie Sandwiches

Salads...loaded with lots of goodies

Frozen dinners

Leftovers from previous dinners

Dinners:

Portobello & Leek Soup...SO GOOD!

Portobello Burgers...Tasty

Eggplant Parm...Good

Butternut Stew...Yummy

Stir fry w/ Tofu...Great way to use tofu as a protein

Cheese Ravioli....Who doesn't love ravioli

Spinach Ravioli in a Butternut sauce...YUM

With most of my dinners I had a salad or a veggie side and some fruit for dessert. I usually had some type of bread to.

So that's what I have been eating for a little over a week now. I did cave and have some sweet. Only to save my sanity, of course, and I didn't go over board or anything. I didn't exercise like I wanted to either...whats new about that. But all and all I think I did OK. My main goal was to not eat meat and I haven't! The End.

PS. I want a BIG JUICY STEAK!!! Maybe for my birthday...which is in 10 days!

Going Veggie!

As most of you know, Will is away, and that means I must have something to obsess over to keep me occupied. The last time he was away I had lots to do to prepare for our Disney Vaca. This time I am working on compiling new recipes and changing the way we eat and live. This will be easier to do while Will is gone...I can get into a routine, experiment with new recipes and he will fall right in to what I have been doing. Will is easy to cook for...feed him when he is hungry and not a minute later and he is happy. Content not important. There are some things that he loves- the occasional steak, sushi, stuffed bell peppers, pizza, chili and a few others. As long as I throw these things out there I am pretty much free to cook how and what I want and he will happily eat. it. up. Anyway, for the next several days I am going to channel my energy and culinary talents into being something of a vegetarian. Pork and beef, while I love them, sometimes they upset my tummy. I have also done some research on eating for your blood type and As should be vegetarians. My plan is to eat NO MEAT for the next several days. I will still eat eggs and fish. I am also trying to cut out the sweets...this will probably kill me...miss me when I am gone. So, I am open to recipe suggestions. I started today by sleeping in (I have the day off work) and then making a tasty brunch. I found this idea on Lauren's blog. She is also cutting out the sugar and eating veggie also. My version is a bit different...only slightly. OK. Here is Brunch!

1. Naan bread topped with slices of fresh mozzarella

2. Add thinly sliced roma tomatoes...yes I said tomatoes. I know this is as shocking as a Republican Senator in Massachusetts but its true!

3. Lightly drizzle with olive oil and season to taste

4. Toast till cheese is bubbly

5. While the naan bread is getting toasty, the cheese is getting melty, tomatoes roasty...scramble up some eggs

6. Slice an avocado

7. Plate your tasty, roasty, melty, naan bread

8. Top it all off with the sliced avocado

Ta-da!!

I LOVED this!! Even the tomatoes! I will definitely be making this again. Thanks Lauren.

I stuggle with...

I hate talking about the "not so fun" stuff. But occasionally I think that it is necessary to put it out there. Maybe one of you will read this and know exactly how I feel and give some advice that will cure me. Or maybe someone will be able to relate to me and I won't feel like a crazy person. OK. I going for it....

1. My weight gain. Out. Of. CONTROL. Seriously. It has always been a problem. However, all of a sudden it is way worse. I know most of it is my fault. I haven't been as good to my body this last year. I also have PCOS and type 2 diabetes. Both of these can play a big part in the chub factor. The best way to treat PCOS is with birth control and metformin (also for the diabetes). Birth control sorta gets in the way of the "I wanna have a baby" thing. Yes. I just said that I want to have a baby. Whoa...kinda feels good to put that out there. OK. Back on track. I think that is one thing that has turned things upside down for me. I have been on birth control for a LONG time and I started noticing all sorts of bad changes in my body after I stopped taking it. I have been sick and tired basically for the past 10 months. I hate it. I hate missing things because I'm in pain. I hate that Will has to miss things. I hate it. I get so excited when I wake up feeling good but that never lasts more than a few days. With that...I haven't been jumping at the chance to hit the treadmill or wii fit. I am trying but not hard enough. This is the part that is 100% my fault. I wish there was a way to still treat the PCOS while we are trying to get pregnant. I never felt this bad on BC. Weight gain will also (on top of all the other things) decrease our chances of getting pregnant. Well, I am making a goal this week to push myself to exercise EVERYDAY. I know that is the key. It may not solve all my problems. I may still feel like ran over poop everyday. But it can't hurt...Right? Anywho...moving on.

2. I think the above problem it causing another problem. I don't feel the same anymore. I used to love being around people and being the life of the party. Now... not so much. I'm tired all the time and I'm embarrassed about my weight. I know, I know! I have a fantastic circle of family and friends and none of them love me any less because there is more of me. It has really just started to bother me BIG TIME. Poor Will...It takes me forever (even longer than it used to) to get dressed. I hate the way everything looks. I even think that it might depress me a bit. I have always been happy. Even when things were bad (trust me, I have seen bad). I have always had the ability to "shake it off" so to speak. I love that about myself...and I miss it. I let things get to me now and I don't like it. I know that I just need to get in gear and make some changes and that things will improve. I guess I'm just bothered by the fact that I am letting myself get so down in the dumps. I feel like I have no control over it though...that is not me. Will has been so great. He loves me no matter what and is SO supportive. No. Really he is.

Next....

3. I am IMPATIENT! Seriously. I'm like a child. I want something and I want it RIGHT now. When I don't get what I want I get discouraged in a major way. I like instant results. Do you see how my first two struggles are made worse by this third one. The only thing that I can think of to fix this is prayer. Praying for patience and strength. Praying for perseverance and the will to push forward. I know...what an immature brat. I am working on it. I am working on all of it.

OK. I feel better. Slightly ashamed but better.