I hate talking about the "not so fun" stuff. But occasionally I think that it is necessary to put it out there. Maybe one of you will read this and know exactly how I feel and give some advice that will cure me. Or maybe someone will be able to relate to me and I won't feel like a crazy person. OK. I going for it....
1. My weight gain. Out. Of. CONTROL. Seriously. It has always been a problem. However, all of a sudden it is way worse. I know most of it is my fault. I haven't been as good to my body this last year. I also have PCOS and type 2 diabetes. Both of these can play a big part in the chub factor. The best way to treat PCOS is with birth control and metformin (also for the diabetes). Birth control sorta gets in the way of the "I wanna have a baby" thing. Yes. I just said that I want to have a baby. Whoa...kinda feels good to put that out there. OK. Back on track. I think that is one thing that has turned things upside down for me. I have been on birth control for a LONG time and I started noticing all sorts of bad changes in my body after I stopped taking it. I have been sick and tired basically for the past 10 months. I hate it. I hate missing things because I'm in pain. I hate that Will has to miss things. I hate it. I get so excited when I wake up feeling good but that never lasts more than a few days. With that...I haven't been jumping at the chance to hit the treadmill or wii fit. I am trying but not hard enough. This is the part that is 100% my fault. I wish there was a way to still treat the PCOS while we are trying to get pregnant. I never felt this bad on BC. Weight gain will also (on top of all the other things) decrease our chances of getting pregnant. Well, I am making a goal this week to push myself to exercise EVERYDAY. I know that is the key. It may not solve all my problems. I may still feel like ran over poop everyday. But it can't hurt...Right? Anywho...moving on.
2. I think the above problem it causing another problem. I don't feel the same anymore. I used to love being around people and being the life of the party. Now... not so much. I'm tired all the time and I'm embarrassed about my weight. I know, I know! I have a fantastic circle of family and friends and none of them love me any less because there is more of me. It has really just started to bother me BIG TIME. Poor Will...It takes me forever (even longer than it used to) to get dressed. I hate the way everything looks. I even think that it might depress me a bit. I have always been happy. Even when things were bad (trust me, I have seen bad). I have always had the ability to "shake it off" so to speak. I love that about myself...and I miss it. I let things get to me now and I don't like it. I know that I just need to get in gear and make some changes and that things will improve. I guess I'm just bothered by the fact that I am letting myself get so down in the dumps. I feel like I have no control over it though...that is not me. Will has been so great. He loves me no matter what and is SO supportive. No. Really he is.
Next....
3. I am IMPATIENT! Seriously. I'm like a child. I want something and I want it RIGHT now. When I don't get what I want I get discouraged in a major way. I like instant results. Do you see how my first two struggles are made worse by this third one. The only thing that I can think of to fix this is prayer. Praying for patience and strength. Praying for perseverance and the will to push forward. I know...what an immature brat. I am working on it. I am working on all of it.
OK. I feel better. Slightly ashamed but better.
7 comments:
Kim
You need to call me
If you don't, I will call you
I totally suck at being a friend. I should call you more. I love you no matter what and TRUST me I know EXACTLY what you are feeling right now. The weight thing has been on my mind a LOT since gaining back 90% of what I lost last year. I am struggling BIG time and dont want to leave the house. Now we are in a new ward and I keep finding excuses NOT to go because I am embarassed to be seen. I need to call you.
Kim, I can totally relate. I didn't realize you also had PCOS. (Me too!)
The truth is, we're still young and struggling to figure out who we are, what we want to be, and how to get there. Just keep trying and one day, we'll all get there!
Kim, hey Girl...I know your heart ache so bad. I have PCOS too and me and Jeremy been fighting it for 7 years while trying to have a baby. There is times it gets me down so bad. I understand the weight thing too. I want you to know that if you every need to talk just email me or facebook me. I also never want to leave the house due to my weight, but I know I must do it or depression wiill set in. Just let me know if you every need to talk. I been on everything in the book and no the heartache.
You don't know me - I'm Nick Peters' wife. I clicked on your blog through Holli Petersen's blog just today.
It was exactly what I needed. I know it sounds horrible, but I love it when women, especially Mormon women, "put it all out there". I think we see other women at church and think that 99% of their lives are perfect just because that's the face we all put on.
But, I understand exactly what you're talking about. I also got married and moved far, far away from my family. A little depression set in - I have few to no friends down here. And I started eating.
I've always been chubby but never, until now, downright fat. I, just like you, have always, until now, been very a very happy, positive person who loved being around other people. Now I want to stay home and wear sweatpants!
I don't understand this new girl...
Anyway, I don't have any answers to offer. I wish I did. I don't mean to sound too Mormony, but this is what the atonement is for!
This comment may have gotten away from me...but thanks for giving me a chance to write it all down!!
I can't really relate or say anything to any of this. But, I can say that I LOVE YOU KIM & YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Hey I think that birth control is what has been making me so sick. Ever since I started on it, I've gained weight and have a billion health problems. But I am not trying for any kids yet, and it helps with my endometriosis pain! Its crazy what birth control can do to your body though! It can cause so many problems when you're on it and for the amount of time you are on it (they say it takes that long after for the changes to reverse)!
Anyway -- I feel ya! It sucks to feel crappy and not really be able to talk about it much! You dont want people thinking you want a pity party or whatever but if its affecting your life, its hard not to want to complain!
Anyway-- Hope things get better for you!!!!
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